What's your Kryponite?
Yesterday, on my Facebook page, I asked you what your super power is. We pretty much all have them, the thing that we known for being really good at that others find difficult. Or perhaps you look at others and wish that you had a talent that they have.
Some of you may be wondering what I’m getting at. Well how about some examples…..
Have you met that person who can easily learn a new language?
Mental maths
Natural ability to dance (that’s definitely not me)
Someone who can seemingly do just about any sport to a good level
A morning person
Good listener
A baker
A good listener
What is considered a talent really does depend on your own perspective and the sort of abilities that you value. I’m sure you can come up with your own list of things that you see in others and wish that you could do. So, what is your super power? Write it down now and put a comment on this blog. Or what superpower do you see in someone else that you REALLY wish you had
My super power
For years it seems that I have had the ability to achieve a lot with the time that I have available to me. I do this by the efficient use of technology and equipment and by finding processes and ways of doing things that are super efficient meaning that I have less to do and can therefore take on even more. This, I have long since considered to be my super power.
Don’t they always say, if you want something done, give it to a busy person.
That busy person was me. The things that have kept me busy over the years have changed, but busy was my thing. Some examples:
Studying for my professional exams with an expanding family - I started with no kids and finished with two, achieving good results along the way and while working full time or on short maternity leave. I even remember studying with a car seat sat on my desk with a sleeping newborn baby
Or how about just after that when I was studying for an MBA with two small children, working full time and then in hospital complications in the third pregnancy - unlike many other to-be mothers, I was not reading mothercare magazines but writing yet another assignment.
Then as the children grew and I found it was time for me to get back into sport, I took up masters swimming and attending swimming galas, and also did the qualifications to become a swimming referee as well as volunteering on various swimming organisation boards. Again, whilst working full time and taking kids to and from sports clubs and attend swimming galas.
The version of me that you see is likely to only represent a fraction of what I actually do. Right now as we close out 2019, the major things that are spinning plates in my head are:
Mum to 3 amazing, now adult, children
Partner to an amazingly supportive man
Working as a senior finance professional in a FTSE 10 organisation in a location 2.5 hours from home
Running a new Performance Coaching business supporting athletes and professionals in their quest to take on new exciting opportunities or let go of some baggage that’s been holding them back
Run Dover Channel Training every weekend from the beginning of May until the end of September, plus all the planning that goes into that during the week, the blog write ups, the washing up, the purchasing of feeds, etc, etc
Run an intensive weekend seminar for aspiring marathon swimmers
Swim guide for SwimQuest
Co-organiser for the CS&PF annual dinner in March each year
Swimmer with my own swims to plan and train for
A book that I have a concept for and just need to get on and write
A house that has been mid renovation for a few years now
And all the little things that I can’t even see right now for the big stuff
That’s busy, right?
Now think about that super power that you have or that you covet. Is it all good? Is it all good in all situations? Is there ever a time when your super power actually exposes a weakness? Humm, perhaps not quite such a super power then.
Superman
Mild mannered Clarke Kent was also superman. He put his super powers to good work and aimed to make the world a much safer and better place. An impressive character who seemed almost invincible. I say ‘almost’ deliberately. Superman came from the planet Krypton, yet Kryptonite was his weakness. If he was exposed to Kryptonite he would become extremely weak. The bad guys knew this and used this against him.
So, whilst I ask you what your Superpower is, I should also ask you what your Kryptonite is? Write that down and share it on this blog too. If you don’t think you have one, I’m pretty sure you do. We’re good at blocking out these kind of weaknesses. Trouble is, there often come a point when we can no longer block them out, put our fingers in our ears and humm la-la-la. That is no longer enough.
If we choose not to acknowledge and work with our weaknesses, they may well eventually find us and zap all our superpowers from us.
So, what’s my Kryptonite?
I’m generally pretty tough and demanding on myself and see plenty of weaknesses (perhaps this is in itself a weakness).
I’ve long acknowledged that I find it difficult to say ‘no’ to someone when they want something from me. I figured that my ‘superpower’ of being able to do more than the ‘average’ person meant that it was ok really. I knew that I’d find a way to do it, whatever ‘it’ was. So I’d say ‘yes’ and work out the details later.
But just because I can do it all, will that always be true? Am I actually doing it all well or is there evidence of Kryptonite?
In hot water
I once heard a story, I don’t know if it’s true (and I actually hope it’s not), but I’ll share it to illustrate a point.
If you attempt put a frog into boiling water it will jump out. However, if you put a frog into a pan of cold water and gradually turn up the heat, it will not jump out and instead will allow itself to boil to death.
Sobering thought eh?
7 Habits of Highly Effective People
So whilst we’re on stories and metaphors etc. I thought I’d share something else. Have you even read the book ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ by Stephen Covey? If you're into self-development, it’s worth a read.
The 7 habits are:
Be proactive
Take responsibility for your reaction to your experiences, take the initiative to respond positively and improve the situation. Recognise your Circle of Influence and Circle of Concern. Focus your responses and initiatives on the centre of your influence and constantly work to expand it. Don't sit and wait in a reactive mode, waiting for problems to happen (Circle of Concern) before taking action.
Begin with the end in mind
Envision what you want in the future so that you can work and plan towards it. Understand how people make decisions in their life. To be effective you need to act based on principles and constantly review your mission statement. Are you - right now - who you want to be? What do I have to say about myself? How do you want to be remembered? If habit 1 advises changing your life to act and be proactive, habit 2 advises that you are the programmer! Grow and stay humble.
All things are created twice. Before we act, we should act in our minds first. Before we create something, we measure twice. This is what the principle is about. Do not just act; think first: Is this how I want it to go, and are these the correct consequences?
First things first
The matrix of importance vs urgency that Stephen Covey and Dwight D. Eisenhower used in deciding where to invest their efforts.
It talks about difference between leadership and management. Leadership in the outside world begins with personal vision and personal leadership. It talks about what is important and what is urgent. Priority should be given in the following order (in brackets are the corresponding actions from the Eisenhower Matrix):
Quadrant I. Urgent and important (Do) – important deadlines and crises
Quadrant II. Not urgent but important (Plan) – long-term development
Quadrant III. Urgent but not important (Delegate) – distractions with deadlines
Quadrant IV. Not urgent and not important (Eliminate) – frivolous distractions
The order is important; after completing items in quadrant I, we should spend the majority of our time on II, but many people spend too much time in III and IV. The calls to delegate and eliminate are effective reminders of their relative priority.
If habit 2 advises that you are the programmer, habit 3 advises: write the program, become a leader! Keep personal integrity: what you say vs what you do.
Think win-win
Genuine feelings for mutually beneficial solutions or agreements in your relationships. Value and respect people by understanding a "win" for all is ultimately a better long-term resolution than if only one person in the situation had gotten their way. Think Win-Win isn't about being nice, nor is it a quick-fix technique. It is a character-based code for human interaction and collaboration.
Seek first to understand, then to be understood
Use empathetic listening to genuinely understand a person, which compels them to reciprocate the listening and take an open mind to be influenced by you. This creates an atmosphere of caring, and positive problem-solving.
Synergise
Combine the strengths of people through positive teamwork, so as to achieve goals that no one could have done alone.
Sharpen the Saw
This is about ensuring that your most important tool, you, is well maintained and up to the job.
If I think about me, and the volume of ‘stuff’ that I take on, then there are two of these habits that jump out as being particularly relevant to me:
First things first
Sharpen the saw
Putting First things first
Occasionally, I’d become consciously aware that I had more regular commitments than I could focus on effectively and I’d write down all my major commitments, work out those which I had to do, those which I really wanted to do and work out which I could drop. Sometimes those things that I dropped were because someone else could do a better job than me, even though I really enjoyed doing it, but because it was something that I could drop, I reluctantly decided to.
Some, but not all, of what I do
The diagram below shows how things have come into and out of my responsibilities over the last decade or so.
Following the passing of my Dad, I have stopped and I mean really stopped for the first time that I can remember in a very long time. I have reflected on a lot. This has not been at all easy. With hindsight, I realised that my priorities were not always where they could or should have been. I would have had my reasons for that, but regardless, there is an element of regret.
Keeping busy enabled me to block out some difficult stuff, but it does find you, eventually.
I had reasons, good reasons, for all of my choices. Would I change these if I could have a ‘do over’? Yes, some I probably would. However, there would be no easy fixes. Many of my choices were the result of other experiences that I had buried instead of dealing with them at the time. So now I have the tough task of peeling back multiple layers of complex experiences before I can properly move on.
If this resonates with you, I most definitely feel for you and would like to help if that is what you would like.
Sharpen the saw
The story in the book talks about a lumberjack who goes into the woods to cut down trees. If you were that lumberjack and you had a whole forrest to chop down and you found that your saw was blunt, you would probably stop and sharpen your saw before starting. Ultimately, it would be a good investment in your time and the task would be quicker in the end.
It’s not always so easy in every day life. Blunt saws are not so easy to see. Our issues are complex.
I have lived with chronic fatigue for over a decade now. Knowing the difference between ‘normal’ and ‘appropriate’ fatigue is challenging. At times when I’ve gone to the doctor to say that I’m tired, they look at my lifestyle and say, ‘well, no wonder’. But I had always known that this tired is a little bit different. This tired was not right. Back then I was right.
I have an under-active thyroid. As well as making losing weight more difficult, it does bring fatigue. I’ve never been quite the same since that started.
I have pernicious anaemia. That means I can’t absorb vitamin B12. Before this was diagnosed I would stop a couple of times on my 45 minute journey to work for a sleep - such was the level of tiredness.
I’m an Ovarian cancer survivor. Whilst I was lucky in that ‘all’ that was required was major surgery and didn’t receive chemotherapy or radiotherapy, I did lose both my ovaries. I quickly learned what unexpected functions these played. HRT has certainly helped with mood and the physical symptoms but life has never been quite the same since.
So, when you have this back catalogue, you expect a little tiredness in your life.
You’d also expect a bit of ‘appropriate’ tiredness from all that I do. I never really had this before. But as I sit now having stopped for a couple of months and look back, I see that ‘appropriate’ tiredness was creeping in slowly, like the frog in cold water, and building to the point where I was allowing myself to boil to death. It’s not just one thing, it’s the cumulation of all that I juggle.
There were tell-tell signs all along like craving caffeine or sugar to enable me to keep going (whilst beating myself up for poor food choices!). Not wanting to do some things that I always want to do, like swimming. Swimming has long since been my barometer - a reflection of how well I am, both in terms of physical ability and desire to swim.
Time for reflection
So, it’s time to take a good look at all that I have on my plate and put first things first again. It’s time to share the load rather than attempt to be a superhuman when I don’t have to be. I am fortunate to be surrounded by people who genuinely want to help, if you are one of these people - thank you!
As we approach the end of 2019 and the end of another decade, perhaps now is a good time for you to reflect on all that you do, what your superpowers are and if these strengths are also weaknesses at times.
Have a read through the 7 habits (even better, read the book) and see if any really resonate with you. Whether you have to do all 7 to be really effective is one for debate, but it does seem that many of the world’s most successful people do exhibit these tendencies either deliberately or naturally.
If all of this has got you thinking and you would like some support in this reflection or in the next chapter of your story, get in touch now. I’d love to support you.