If a lack of assertiveness is keeping you awake at night, help is at hand. You can escape the anger, depression and anxiety it causes with the skills to stand up for yourself, comfortably and calmly.
Do you find it difficult to say how you feel?
“Just stand up for yourself!” Have you heard that a million times before?
It’s what your well-meaning friends tell you when you complain about the workplace bully or the cruel remarks of a nagging relative. Or what you tell yourself when you lie awake at night.
The problem is, they don’t know what it’s like to not be assertive.
THAT CONSTANT MIX OF ANXIETY & ANGER
The stomach-twisting fear just thinking about any potential confrontation.
The bottled-up anger at others for openly manipulating you.
And the fury at yourself for not putting a stop to it.
Other people might think ‘not being assertive’ doesn’t sound like a big deal.
Who cares if you’re shy, or care a lot about people’s feelings? That’s not the end of the world, they might think. It means you’re a nice person, just a bit meek.
That’s because people who are assertive don’t quite realise how hopeless it feels when you can’t stand up for yourself.
COULD LACK OF ASSERTIVENESS BE NEGATIVELY AFFECTING A LOT OF YOUR LIFE?
Being able to voice your opinion and stand up for yourself when need be sends off signals to manipulative people (interfering relatives, workplace bullies, pushy sales people) that you won’t be coerced into anything.
There’s a cliche that assertive people are belligerent and opinionated, yelling when angry and totally unapproachable. But that’s not what assertiveness really is. Those people are just rude!
Being assertive is not about being rude...
Being assertive is not about yelling at people.
Being assertive is not about losing control and letting anger out.
Being assertive is not about being unapproachable.
Being assertive isn’t assuming everyone in the world is out to get you.
Being assertive doesn’t mean you don’t care at all what others think of you.
Being assertive doesn’t mean you always get your own way.
THE SNAKE THAT LEARNED TO HISS
The snake was vicious, snarling, and dangerous. He terrified the villagers, biting the children and scaring all the adults. But sometimes he felt lonely and craved companionship.
One day, a wise man wandered into the village. He clearly saw the chaos the snake's actions had brought.
Because this is a story and he was wise, he could speak to the snake and, on gaining the reprobate's trust, said, "Listen up, snake. You're not only making the people here unhappy, but you yourself are clearly miserable. Practice some kindness and gentleness to improve the lot of everyone here, including you." And so the wise man went on his way.
Years later, the wise one happened to pass again through that same village. To his surprise, he saw an inert, passive plaything being kicked by the children. He realized that this was, in fact, none other than the formally aggressive serpent he'd had words with years before. The snake managed to free himself from his tormentors and slide up to the man.
"Your advice was disastrous!" he hissed faintly. "Practicing gentleness has brought me complete misery! Now I'm used as a toy, laughed at, and taken for granted. I was better off before!"
The old man replied, "You took my advice too literally and without reflection. I said that you shouldn't bite... but I didn't say you should never hiss!"
ASSERTIVENESS IS A MUSCLE YOU FLEX OCCASIONALLY
A truly assertive person is polite and kind to their colleagues, but when one starts to take advantage of them, they’ll calmly put a stop to it.
A truly assertive person is a good friend, but if they are treated badly they’ll let their friend know how hurt they are.
An assertive person feels comfortable test-driving a car, or trying on an outfit and telling the sales person it’s not right.
An assertive person gives everyone the benefit of the doubt, but won’t give too many chances.
An assertive person has an aura about them that shows they won’t be pushed around.
And best of all, assertive people are genuinely liked and respected
If you think about your own friends, you'll realise that the opinion of an assertive friend means more to you.
Assertiveness is a skill and like any skill it can be taught so it becomes an innate part of you. Like learning to drive, or speaking a language; you can learn it and make it a habit. Certainly some people learn it in childhood but adults can become assertive at any age.
It’s a simple matter of changing your emotions around assertiveness, and learning some good communication skills.
WHY FOCUS CALMING THE EMOTIONS THAT LIE BEHIND ASSERTIVENESS?
Well, it’s because if you are very calm about the thought of being assertive, then the battle is nearly won.
It’s so much easier to refuse to do something when you aren’t gripped with anxiety the other person won’t like you.
It’s so much easier to stand your ground when you aren’t trembling with fear.
And it’s impossible to give off that aura of confidence and assertiveness if at heart you aren’t.
In this masterclass we use exercises, practice and hypnosis to make you feel confident and calm about confrontation.
WHAT THIS MASTERCLASS WILL DO FOR YOU
Each part of this masterclass tackles one important part of assertiveness in detail, with lots of thought-provoking information and tried and tested exercises to help you get an understanding of how your own thought processes and reactions have been shaped and what you can, practically, do about it.
Each step also includes an audio hypnosis download to help you more easily absorb and integrate new behaviour patterns and helpful mental attitudes that will benefit every aspect of your life.
There’s also some good advice on effective communication, so once your fear of being assertive is gone, you can learn the most effective ways of discussing tricky issues and confronting people.
HOW WILL WE WORK TOGETHER?
Each point that we work on will include some materials to work through and exercises to do.
Each fortnight we’ll have a group zoom call to answer any questions that you have on the materials you’ve worked through so far and to discuss this week’s work. We often find that by working through these materials as a group and sharing our learnings, that we learn faster and come to realise that we’re not all that different afterall.
In between sessions you can ask any questions that you have in our exclusive Facebook group.
Once you have finished the masterclass you’ll be moved into an Alumni facebook group and you’ll continue to have access to the materials and hypnosis recordings.
WHAT STEPS WILL WE USE IN THE MASTERCLASS TO BUILD ASSERTIVENESS?
1) Setting Boundaries
Change your attitude to personal boundaries and start to establish healthy relationships by making it clear to yourself and others where you stand.
2) Saying No
Develop a new approach on how to refuse, polite but firm and avoiding the emotional turmoil and stress of automatically saying yes.
3) Assertiveness Training
Stand your ground and express your truth confidently, when this is the appropriate thing for you to do. Start voicing your views and stop bottling up your true feelings.
4) Fear of Authority
Learn to relax and be confident with people in positions of power or authority. Reframe your image of people in power to those of people to respect (unless they cross a line), not people to fear.
5) Overcome an Inferiority Complex
Break the habit of feeling inferior to others and stop worrying what others think of you. Overcoming your inferiority complex is a massive leap towards self-respect.
6) Overcome Fear of Confrontation
You know you need to shift your fear of conflict and confrontation, and will-power alone isn’t going to cut it. Create a new blueprint of inner strength and clarity, where the old fears melt away and you are more ready to face life, no matter what it throws at you, facing conflict or confrontation calmly and in control.
7) No More Mr Nice Guy
Start deciding just how nice you want to be instead of defaulting to being ‘nice’ in every situation. When you are prepared to go against the flow sometimes and hold your position, other people begin to appreciate and respect you more.
8) Express Your Opinion
Leave the frustration and powerlessness of not expressing your opinion behind and start being better understood and appreciated as people listen to what you have to say.
9) Stand Up For Yourself
It’s time to stop feeling invisible. Develop the inner strength to be more honest with yourself and others by standing up for yourself in a calm, firm and respectful way.
10) Express Your Emotions
Being cut-off from your emotions or controlling them so tightly you can’t laugh, cry, dream or be angry leads to a lonely, flat, lifeless life. Deep relaxation combined with hypnotic suggestions allow you to be more at ease with yourself and ready to discover a whole new world of feeling.
UNCOVER WHAT YOU’RE REALLY CAPABLE OF
How much better will you feel on a daily basis when you can say how you feel?
How much will your relationships improve when you’re able to be honest with people?
Assertiveness is a key life skill, absolutely necessary for you to feel happy in every facet of your life. which is why a solid solution that tackles thoughts where they happen - the subconscious.
It’s your time now…
And I can’t wait to help you break free of these self-limitations …
Are you ready to make a step change in your life with one of our Master Classes? If the answer is YES, use the form below to find out when the masterclass is running next. Speak soon!