A new horizon emerging?

11 months ago

Lockdown 1.0 started on 23rd March 2020, but life changed before this. What are your early recollections of this pandemic? I remember talking with a colleague in Italy who was in lockdown and asking them how it was. At that time I did not know or appreciate that we were heading in exactly the same direction. I also vividly recall the days leading up to the announcement of lockdown, knowing that this was the direction that we were heading in. I remember discussions at work about whether we should move to working from home and when we decided to do this thinking that it would just be for a few weeks. I remember being on a course in Manchester and no longer feeling safe travelling on public transport. I remember the last day before lockdown and going training and to the gym, and feeling a sense of it all being a bit pointless, all my motivation evaporated in a few days.

That was 336 days ago, or 11 months tomorrow.

They say it takes 7 days, or 7 repeats, to create a new habit. It’s not unreasonable, therefore, to see the world we live in today as our new normal.

What’s changed?

Quite a lot has changed, hasn’t it. I think that some important interactions are now different - sometimes subtly, sometimes very obviously.

A hug can convey a thousand words

When I think back to life before channel swimming, I wasn’t a hugger. I’d go as far as to say that hugging felt false or almost awkward.

That all changed with channel swimming! Hugging was as common as cake and shivering! Hugs were used to say hello or welcome old friends. Hugs were used to say well done, they were also used to commiserate and wish better luck next time. Hugs were even used to warm someone up if they got a little too chilly.

I’m now a hugging convert! A hug can say so much more than words.

COVID-19 has taken that away from us.

Even when you watch TV programmes that have been filmed during the pandemic, you’ll notice times when a hug would be an obvious action. Take soap operas as an example, there have been births, deaths, marriages and other occasions where the script would lead to hugging and yet it’s been absent. In some cases drama is reflecting reality as there are cases where the characters are from different households and therefore would not be able to hug. In other cases COVID-19 is impacting the script as characters in the real world who would be able to hug (e.g. people from the same household) are not hugging and it leaves the situation looking very cold. I wonder what we’ll make of these programmes when watched on replay in years to come?

I wonder how long it will take for hugging to feel ‘safe’ again?

Interpersonal space

Part of being a human being is having a ‘bubble’ of expected interpersonal space. Only those invited in should enter this invisible boundary. There are always those who don’t get it and get just a little bit too close, but generally interpersonal space is respected. Should someone stray too close it can appear aggressive or threatening and our natural instinct is to step back and recreate our safe space.

The size of our bubble has changed since COVID-19 became an issue. Suddenly we leave bigger gaps, especially when it comes to queuing. ‘Social distancing’ is a phrase that I’d never heard before and now is a common way of being, a common phrase. We don’t always get this right though, the supermarket seems to be the worst place with people leaning and dashing in quick to pick up an object they can’t wait a few more seconds for!

But it’s not just about strangers. Before COVID-19, good friends would sit or walk within this safe space. Pictures of people walking arm in arm or whispering in someone’s ear were normal.

I wonder how long it will take before our safe interpersonal space that we subconsciously allow for is reset back to pre-covid distances?

Handshaking

A handshake is internationally recognised way of saying hello, goodbye, signifying agreement or showing that you are a safe person who poses no threat. Eskimos, I believe, rub noses instead. Neither are OK in a COVID-19 world!

How long did it take you to stop the instinct to reach out a hand? It’s more than just handshakes - an outstretched hand is used to help people up too. Our current reality means that people have to be so much more self reliant.

I wonder how long before the custom of handshaking returns?

Working from home

Home working is at an all time boom. I used to work from home maybe one day a week. I dreamed of having a job where I could work from home. Sometimes you need to be careful what you wish for!

I don’t miss my 2.5 hour commute and the impact that had on my sleep pattern and on my life as I generally stayed away from home during the week and therefore couldn’t train as I would normally choose to.

What I do miss is real human interaction. 7% of communication is through the words that we use. The rest comes from things like intonation, body language and other visual cues. Whilst zoom or other video conferencing can bring you closer than telephone calls alone, you really do miss out on a lot of the important content by only meeting online. With video conferencing, only one person can speak at a time (not a bad practice!), if more than one person tries to speak then one will not be heard.

When you’re all present at an in person meeting you can use body language and facial expressions to subtly convey that you wish to speak or that you agree or disagree with a point being made. You can give non-verbal encouragement. As a speaker, you can adapt as you go on based on the non-verbal feedback that you receive - go faster, slower, add more information, cut your part shorter. All these changes are done at a subconscious level.

If I think back to lockdown 1, my natural sleeping time slowly crept later and later. I couldn’t go training early in the morning and I didn’t need to be at my desk until 9am. So my 5am alarm stopped and was eventually replaced by a 8am one instead. Going back to training was a bit of a shock. Getting up at 5am again made me feel like I had jet lag! I think this was a dry run of what it might be like if we were to return to the office. For lockdown 4 I have added a fake commute to my day - a bike ride of 45-60 minutes, using my once a day exercise opportunity. It’s enough to bring in some routine, to get me up earlier and it really helps to get my mind active before the working day starts.

Then there are the opportunities to casually bump into people at the coffee machine or chat over lunch. Sometimes these are planned, sometimes they just happen. But when we all work from home they are missing. I used to pick up on some really useful information at these chance or planted encounters. Or at the very simplest level, they were opportunities to smile and say hello. To see if people were having good days or needed a bit of support. To be caring human beings rather than just work colleagues.

Some people have maintained a consistent professional appearance even when working from home. Others, myself included, have become more casual in attire. If I’m honest, I don’t even know which of my work clothes even fit now with my 11 months of COVID layer! Simple things like the fact that I barely wear shoes any more. I’m not the sort of person that wears heals, I do wonder whether those who do will struggle to adapt again?

Anyone who’s had a higher level of video conferencing will have seen a window on the personal lives of co-workers. I’ve loved this. I’ve loved seeing kids join video calls, even if very subtly. We’ve seen windows into others’ houses. We’ve seen a different side to people that we work with.

Will we ever go back to the way that it was? I suspect that depends on many factors, mostly around the practicalities of the role that you do, but this is one area where there may be a long term cultural change in many industries. The innovation that enabled people like me to continue working may stay to at least some extent.

What would you like to keep or lose in your working life when we come out of the other side of this?

Seeing friends and loved ones

This is a biggie for many people, particularly those who are extroverts or live alone. Family and friendship bonds are key to what makes us human. Moments have passed that we can’t recreate. This is particularly true when people are at either end of their natural lifespan.

My partner has a grandson who is a little over one year old. In the time since he was born we’ve only seen him a few times. So many milestones have been seen only over video footage. The bonds that you’d normally make have not yet been made.

At the other end of the spectrum, I am actually thankful that my Dad didn’t have to live through this. It would have been so very tough for a family man to be left alone in his care home without the ability to have family visit in final part of his life. Tough for him and tough for all those who cared for him. I feel for those who are missing out on those vital visits.

How long before we feel safe visiting friends and loved ones again?

Unwinding the last 11 months

Tonight, Boris Johnson is due to give us an update on the next steps for the UK.

I’m sure we all have something that we’d like to get out of the announcement. Whether that is a return to seeing friends & family, a return to sport, being able to shop, the list goes on.

We’ve been here before though. I suspect there will be mixed responses. Some people are already making their own risk assessments and not quite following all the rules to the letter. At the other extreme, some are placing themselves under stricter restrictions than are required of them as that’s what's needed for them to feel safe.

Will this be a one way road to our next normal or will we remain on our rollercoaster with more threats of future lockdowns?

I’m here to help you

At the beginning of the pandemic I was focused on helping people adapt to the reality of lockdown, and the restrictions on how we were able to live. For some people, it took a lot of adaptation, and having someone help them make sense of it all was a useful way of navigating it all.

Whilst we are all in the same ocean, we’re not all in the same boat.

I suspect unwinding all of this is as individual as we all are. My way back to normal will not be the same as yours.

If you want help finding your path back to your new normal, someone to help you deal with any fears or uncertainties that crop up, please just reach out. We can build a support package that works for you.

Similarly, if you want to provide support for your teams, either as a team or as individuals, I am happy to help.

Fingers crossed that you get something that helps you move forwards in your life from tonight’s announcement.